updates again....

Well I would just like to say that i bought a pair of pants this weekend and had a to go down a size :)  and to top it off they were on sale!!!!!!
so that made my weekend!

i am not doing the shakes right now bc i am taking a medicine where i need to be only taking it and taking it slow with some things. but i plan to resume in a little less than a month.

johnny and i started playing volleyball friday night. it was pretty fun! but man was a sore the next day! we have a game almost every friday night! so hopefully we can get into shape!

lyla is still growing like a weed and she can say about anything you tell her. she is toooo smart! and way to cute!
i could talk about her forever but ......

on another note, i also put new flowers out on daddys grave this weekend. i let my aunt kristi( daddys sister) keep lyla so i could attend a wedding. but going back "home" just brought up all kinds of stuff. i just miss my daddy. i wanted to so bad pull in the that old drive way and see him at the door, but i couldnt . i so badly wanted to get lyla out of the car at that same house and see his face light up like a kid on christmas morning bc we were there, but i didnt. dont get me wrong i love to see my family, but when i go back i get depressed and sad. and while i should be thinking about all the good times i had there, and i do think about it, but it just makes me miss him even more everytime i see that place....

(big sigh)
its bittersweet.

shakes and crying babies

I am now on the body by vi stuff.
today really marked my first day on these shakes. I am really going to try and blog everyday, maybe every other day about how things are going. So if more people want to try it, they can see an honest opinion.

So its day one and for breakfast I had a strawberry banana shake. For snack I actually had a tiny bit of breakfast rice that my co worker made, then for lunch I had a chocolate peanut butter cup shake. and for snack I had a cheese stick and some grapes. I am also drinking water and sometimes putting in a little neuro flavor pack that came with my kit. So far I am not hungry. However I am sure by the time dinner gets here I will be!

As for everything else, I had to leave lyla crying this morning :( She just kept crying all morning saying "mommy, mommy" she was grabbing at both of her jaws, so I am guessing she is teething again. I gave her some pain medicine and sent her with her papa. She cried going out the door and my heart just shattered. I was ready to stay home with her.

Other than that, things are good. Just a busy busy life. work, school,johnny and lyla.

new beginings

Well it has been a little bit since the last time I posted up here.
Just a quick update, I am starting a new diet routine, body by vi, hopefully tomorrow, I hope it will bring more energy and weight loss. I need to get this baby weight off.
And Johnny and I just joined a volleyball team :) so that should be exciting.

As for Lyla, she is just growing like a weed! Talking up a storm. She almost is never quiet :) But I love it! She repeats EVERYTHING! so we have to be real careful with what we say.

She has an appointment Wednesday. Which means more shots :( But I'm anxious to see how much she has grown! she is getting soooo big.

Everyday that goes by, I am so amazed that that beautiful little girl is mine and johnnys! She amazes me. A baby is an amazing thing. and to think of all the life she has a ahead of her. Going to school, and learning all the new things. It amazes to think that I once was a baby just like her. If only it was simple enough in life to have the mind like a child.....

well this is short. but i gotta go!

and now the adventures of potty training!......

Let me first start by saying that I been really wanting to blog for a while but just have not had the time. So maybe now I can get back to blogging more often.

This is weekend was so great! My sister came into town Friday and we hung out until that night. On Saturday the whole family went to Rocky Mount to the kids musuem! It was so fun! There was a show in the plantarium with Big Bird and Elmo! Lyla really really loved that! She loves elmo! It was such a neat show! They talked about the moon, sun and the stars. We then went upstairs to the kids muesum and had a blast! (pictures are up on facebook) That is such an interesting place! There was so much for the kids to do! We then left there and went to the mall, you know us girls cant go anywhere without finding a mall :) Then we went home and ate pizza, well that was after we lost my sister and nephew and couldnt find them for hours..... everyone left their phones in the car.. but after that disaster, all was great!
On sunday we to church, and since it was ugly and rainy and cold outside we just hung out at home until it was time for the sister in laws birthday party.
So on Monday, I had the day off and lyla and I went to have lunch with johnny and went to Wal Mart and purchased her a potty.
Yes its time for potty training. She has told me several times now when she is about to go to the bathroom, so I thinks time.
So now she has pee pee'd one time in it!!!!!
she is only 15 months old. My 15 month old baby, we is now beging to speak in small sentences with words that everyone can understand, is now using a potty! I am sure i might be over reacting a little bit, but this is a big deal!
I am hoping by the time she is two we can start to wear big girl panties. We will see. This might be a challenge, but I am up for it!

The days of watching her grow up are going by so so fast. I wish I could take all these memores and lock them in a box and go back and look at them in years to come. I already do that with pictures, but the memories in my head are so much better!

However, there is usually always a however, as I was calling and texting people last night and this morning about lyla's new adventure, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I still couldnt call my dad. And i keep brining this up, but I dont like it at all. I just want to able to call both my parents and share all the new wonders with them about their granddaughter. And while I know he has seen and heard everything, its still not the same as me hearing the excitment in his voice when all these things happen. It sucks. It really sucks. And I show lyla a picture of him and she doesnt even know who he is. It breaks my heart into a million pieces. I tell her who it is, but she doesnt understand.

With all the being said, I am thankful for all the support and love from family and friends, and without them, life would not be complete.

my little space goer :)

its been a long time.....

Well it has really been forever since I have posted a blog. So today I am doing an update.
Lets see, where do I really begin?
Time is really flying by right now and I am some what amazed at how life is passing by and everyone is so caught up in their everyday lives, that things are being missed.
Lyla is 14 months old now. 14 months. Really? It seems like just last week I found out I was pregnant. And now 14 months have passed. Wow.
She is being the normal 14 month baby. Walking everywhere, getting into everything, saying anything and everything and repeating anything anyone says. She is soooo smart. I kid you not, she knows at least 20-30 words and she actually knows what they mean and what they are. She amazes me everyday with how much she is growing and learning. She has truly been my sunshine since the day I found out she was in my belly :)

As for Johnny and I, we are working, going to school and being full time parents. We are busy, busy, busy. What more can I really say about that other than I love that man to death. Along with Lyla, those two really complete me.

On another note, its almost February. Already. I really can't wait to see what this new year holds for me and my family.

Well I will leave with this small portion of lyrics, because this song by Miranda Lambert- "Over You" really sums up some thoughts I have once had with loosing my dad.

                             

"But you went  away, how dare you. I miss you.
                             They say I'll be ok, but I'm not going to ever get over you."

Sometimes I just really want to be like, come on dad, how could you just leave. But I realize that it wasn't his choice. Well part of the situation he could have controlled, but him dying, he couldn't control. But there is one thing about it.... I wont get over it.
People say all the time, oh its ok she will get over it. Well guess what, I definitely not getting over it. It is always present in my mind and in my heart and there is nothing that will EVER replace him.

I think I will stop on that note.

Until next time.......

baby lyla is turning ONE!

Tomorrow is Lyla's first birthday.
I hardly have words to describe how this child make me feel. She has truely been a blessing for both Johnny and I.
I cant believe that one year ago I went to the doctor because of that stupid PUPPS rash thing and the doctor came in and saw what kind of mental state I was in, and announced that she was calling the hospital to see if we could get a room. When she walked out I remember looking Johnny, with scared eyes and asked "maybe we should wait"- but we call knew I couldnt wait because the PUPPS were about to put in a mental coma- not really- but thats how I felt. The doctor came back in and said, be at the hospital at 1 pm. We left there with a joyful but scared and anxious feeling. I remember, my mom, Johnny and I went and ate lunch at Zaxbys and called, texted and facebooked everyone we knew to let them know what was happening. (who knew that that Zaxbys meal would be the last food I would eat until almost 15 hours later.) We arrived at the hospital and I remember I was shaking so bad I couldnt fill out the paper work. A few mintues later all the fun began. I got hooked up to the iv and the potocin and more benadril for that rash. The nurse said maybe you should sleep while you can, whatever! there was no sleeping for this one who knew she was about to push out a baby. I think the rest is pretty much known that from 1:30pm to 3:54 am the next morning we went through contractions and an epidural. It was time for lyla to come but she was being stubborn with being faceup she didnt want to move. I remember being so so scared because by that point I was ready to quit. Johnny got in my face and encouraged me to not stop that lyla was almost here and I couldnt give up now, not after all this. So the vaccum was in place, at first it popped off, which by the way I did not love that sound!, then the doctor said ok one more time and if it doesnt work we have c-section papers ready for you. I said a silent prayer to myself to please send an angel to help both me and lyla. And well the rest is history and now she is truning one. ONE.

It just amazes me to see how much she has grown and how smart she is. From the first sitting up by herself to the first roll over, the first standing alone, the first tooth (which we thought was taking forever!), and the first smile, the first laugh, and now the first birthday.

I thank god everyday for this amazing gift that He gave Johnny and I. She is everything and more to us. I love her more than I love myself. When I look at her I see our lives and I see everyone in our families through her eyes. Especially my dad. I know alot of people dont see what I see, but I swear on days that I am missing my dad so bad it hurts, I look at her and I can see him looking at me. It honestly makes me tear up, but then I smile because I can feel him being there.

We had a birthday party for lyla on saturday. It was great. There were so many people with so many gifts, and we are truely blessed to have such great family and friends.

Well this was a long blog post but since I havent posted in a LONG time, I thought why not tell the pregnancy story...... so there you go.....

Now in December I will hopefully be traveling to California to help my best friend deliver her first baby :) I can not express how excited I am for her and her husband, but more than that I am truley thankful for her asking me to be in the delivery room. There is no one in the world I would rather help than her :) She is amazing! and I know her baby girl will be!

Well- Its time to wipe my tears away and get back to work-

~wishes~

I was looking through my phone and found this under contacts : dad visit - 919-581-1035
How I WISH I could call that number and schedule an appointment.
And I cant bring myself to ever delete that entry because a part of me still wants to call that number. Shoot, I would settle for a glance through a window at this point.
(big sigh and tears)

Just thought I'd get that out there.
And sometimes I say to myself, April stop. He's gone. But I just cant do that, because to me, he is not gone. And I dont want to believe that he is gone. So I will not stop. Its human nature to feel that way. So for now I will just keep wishing.
-------------------------------------------
On another note, lets talk about how my baby girl is doing! She is soooo smart. Here she is 10 months and almost 2 weeks and she can say "ma-ma" "da-da" "ba-ba" "pa-pa" "lily" "baby" "bye bye" "hey there" and she can (try) to bark :) its soo cute! She is just growing up way to fast! She is not walking yet, but we are working on it. AND still no teeth- but in time that will happen. Her hair is growning out of c ontrol now, its thick and everywhere! When she gets up in the mornings she looks like she been in a wind storm, its funny.
I cant believe that in a little over a month she will be turning 1! I think back to that monday when I went to the doctor because that crazy rash was driving me crazy, and the doctor says "I am going to see if we can get you a room"- I was like, a room where?- She just smiled and left the room. She came back and said be at the hospital at 1pm. At that moment, I will admit, I was scared to death. But boy I'm glad she is here! I would not trade her for anything in the world.

And now this weekend, it will be busy for and lyla. Saturday is a full day! First on the agenda is the MSA walk here in Greenville. Then there is actually 2 birthday parties we need to attend but I am afraid we can only attend one since they are at the same time.....
But we are so excited that we get to see our friends! We have missed them dearly!

Well its that time again..... a new class. accoutning. need i say more? I was working on my homework last night and it became apparent that I needed my sisters 4 year degree right then...... so we shall see how this whole things goes!